As we enter this Christmas season, how are you feeling? What is your reaction to the thought of Christmas?

• Are you filled with peace at the thought of Christmas and carrying the Prince of Peace with you?
• As you celebrate the birth of the creator of love and joy, are you overflowing with these attributes?
• Does the hectic pace of the season crowd out the special moments?

Every year I find late November & early December can be extremely busy and stressful if I let it be. Here in Australia, we have all the end-of-year social functions with school, work, sports, activities etc.

Over the last few years, in the lead-up to Christmas, I find that if I implement some practices into my life, I find it easier with the stress around this time of year.

I have listed some practical tips below, but I would appreciate your suggestions. I love learning more each year, especially as my children grow older and we face new challenges and exciting times.

1. Spending Time with God

I try to make this a priority every morning, but especially during this time of year. I read His Word, the Bible, and spend time listening to Him. I spend time throughout the day and overnight praying about various issues, decreeing, and declaring that which is still to become evident. I spend time with God, asking Him to reveal the essentials and non-essentials.

As I spend time with Jesus, I ask two questions:

• “Lord – who do you want to be for me this Christmas?
• “Lord – what do you want me and my family to do this Christmas?”

Another great question is, “God, is there a lie I believe about how we prepare and celebrate Christmas?” If God places something on your heart or mind, confess that lie to God and ask for His forgiveness. We then have a divine exchange with God – if He reveals a lie to you that you believe, then He always wants you to know the truth. God loves questions so ask Him, “What is the truth you want me to know?”

One year I found this particularly pertinent as I looked at our Christmas tree that had been decorated excitedly by some junior members of the family who hadn’t placed the ornaments as decoratively as I would have liked. I was challenged enormously about the truth and joy of Christmas versus the perfection and image of Christmas. From that year on, I have released my expectations of perfection and embraced values of joy, inclusivity, sharing and fun.

2. Identify any unique challenges this year

Any changes in finances, relationships, family, work, etc., will affect how you celebrate Christmas and the activities and events you participate in this year. Have family moved closer or further away? Have any family members died? Is there a newborn in the house? Are finances tight? These things can all affect what we do and how we do things. Be mindful of these things as you plan your calendar.

3. Plan the essentials

Sit down with the whole family and have a time of everyone sharing what they love about Christmas. Brainstorm (depending on the age of your children) the essential things, the great things, and the things we can bypass this year. Agree on the non-negotiables.

Beforehand, you may want to prepare what values, memories, and atmosphere you wish to convey over this season. Share this with your family.

We put the ‘big rocks’ in our calendar first. These include the essential activities and the priorities. Matey’s birthday is two days before Christmas, so that is a significant event & we chat about how we will celebrate him.

Something we will keep is the “Carols by Candlelight” on television on Christmas Eve. We wanted to attend the rehearsal, but since it is his birthday, he has the say that day, which is not something he wishes to do. Now that our children are teenagers, we find that our celebration activities are different and that our teenagers can cope with later nights.

We then look at all the great but non-essential activities – those that are great to get to, but if you miss them, the earth won’t cave in.

We also love to have activities that focus on other people who are less fortunate than us. These activities tend to change yearly, depending on our children’s age and interests. The Random Acts of Kindness Advent Calendar helped us one year to be outward-looking. If we don’t mark this in our calendar, it gets overlooked in the season’s busyness.

Evaluate your Christmas traditions, activities, and service opportunities. What stays? What goes? Is there a new tradition or service opportunity you wish to incorporate this year? Can you change or adapt some traditions to incorporate them into this season?

With older teenagers, work, and a boyfriend on the scene, more planning is needed to fit in and be creative with time and activities.

Identifying your priorities and values will help you decide what to include in this season and what to exclude. Talk about expectations and feelings. Pray and discuss as a family. This is a great skill to pass on to your kids so that they learn how to live balanced lives.

4. Block in margin

Look at your calendar and mark off ‘downtimes’ – days when you can chill at home, afternoons where the immediate family is together just enjoying each other’s company. Mark in time for the preparation of food, gifts, decorating etc.

Plan a time of rest after a busy weekend. Prepare ahead of time for some time out to chill. I usually plan a low-key Monday after a busy weekend so that we can clean up, recharge our emotional batteries etc.

5. Ask your family members how you can make Christmas more Christ-centred.

It can be enlightening what kids will come up with as you look at how you can make Christmas more Christ-centred. We had one child who loved advent candles and stopping each week to reflect on God.

• We have numerous Christmas-themed DVDs and enjoy watching movies as a family during this time. Check out the kids and teenagers Christmas movie advent calendars I put together last year.
• We bring out the Christmas books and have a month of reading Christmas stories; this helps us reflect on the true meaning of Christmas. Check out our family’s favourite Christmas books.
• We incorporate a month of acts of kindness in the lead-up to Christmas, which helps us focus on gratitude and others. Here’s our acts of kindness Christmas advent calendar.
• Our kids make a birthday cake for Jesus, and we celebrate Jesus’ birthday on Christmas Day. We also read the Nativity story on Christmas Day before we open presents.

Is there a family devotion you would love to do? If you have younger children, have you tried the ‘Jesse tree’ devotions or ‘The Truth in the Tinsel’ devotions? Do you light Advent candles and spend time reflecting on Christ together each week? What would your family love doing to help your Christmas be more Christ-centred?

6. Distribute responsibility amongst family members by involving the whole family.

Hubby’s busiest time of year for his gardening business is in the lead-up to Christmas, so most of the responsibility for Christmas and how we celebrate it as a family falls on me. I have found, though, that the kids can help enormously, especially now that they are teenagers. Last year I had the pleasure of our daughter and boyfriend decorating it. It was a pure delight for me to sit and watch them decorate it. What jobs can they do? What presents can they buy? What cards can they write to save you from doing everything?

When I become exhausted or too busy, even small decisions can become overwhelming. Decision/choices overload can become a reality. Thus, even having the kids choose the DVDs and books for family time can make a difference. The kids enjoy what they have chosen, which is one less decision I need to make.

7. Demonstrating values of generosity, peace, joy, and love.

I intentionally remind myself to be grateful. During these last few weeks, I have spent a lot of time transporting the kids to their various functions etc. I have found that I need to remind myself not to complain about this time but to look for the positives. I have been trying to watch what I say and focus on the heart attitude. Thus, I have enjoyed spending that time individually in the car with each child plus me and God time whilst waiting.

• Have fun, laugh, and celebrate: This is the crux of this season – Jesus came to bring life. It is a time of celebration. How can you keep the reason for the season as your focus? We have received the greatest gift and set the example for the rest of our world of influence. How do others around you see you enjoying this time?
• Try not to medicate the pain: The media’s portrayal of ‘happy families’ and the ‘perfect’ Christmas, together with loneliness, grief, loss, and false expectations, can cause some of us to ‘medicate’ ourselves with perfection, alcohol, endless shopping, or busyness. Instead, we need to address the underlying issue in our life.
• Give: generosity is an excellent antidote for so much. Look for small ways to give daily. Brainstorm with your children, and look for people who may find Christmas hard for whatever reason – loss of a loved one this year, single parents, family dysfunction, people overlooked by society and so on.

What would it look like for your family to celebrate this time wholeheartedly and for laughter to permeate your home?

Intentionally make time for your family to have fun, laugh and enjoy yourselves this season.

Address the stressful events and expectations with extended family e.g. what you are doing on Christmas Day, who you are buying presents for etc. Can you limit the number of people for whom you buy? Can you shop on the internet or give gift vouchers to save time at shopping centres which can increase stress at this time of year?

8. Choose wisely

I have found that indecisiveness gobbles up a lot of time, emotional energy, and space in my thought life. When buying presents, I challenge myself with “will my decision about this present matter in 4 years?” If not, I don’t allow the present choice to take more than a few minutes. Our family is also discovering the joys of online shopping for gifts so that we don’t have to battle the shopping centres and queues. I am teaching myself to make quicker decisions, thus allowing me more time to spend on other things. I choose not to spend hours trawling the shopping centre looking for gifts. This can also apply to choosing wisely what we permit our children and family to be involved in during this season.

I find that when I am stressed, it affects my decision-making ability. What may have taken a few minutes causes me extended angst as I try to decide, usually on something that will not matter in a few year’s time. This is a ‘flag’ for me that shows me that I need to address the pressure in my life.

Is there something or someone who always tends to bring conflict during this season? How can you be prepared and change things this year so that conflict is minimised and the time is meaningful and satisfying to all?

Is there anything you are not looking forward to about Christmas?

Are you feeling immense pain about a family issue, clouding your peace about celebrating the Prince of Peace?

Are you in a good emotional place yourself? Your attitude sets the atmosphere in the home. If you are tired, grumpy, anxious, or short-tempered, expect the kids to model that behaviour, taking after you.

I find that during this season, the ‘little’ unexpected delays show me how I am travelling emotionally. E.g. if someone puts added responsibility or expectations on me, if I must wait in the car an extra 20 minutes for my son to finish collecting money for the veterans etc. These times, my emotional thermostat shows me how I am travelling and what is ‘bubbling away’ under the surface.

Spending time with God and addressing these issues now creates emotional space and peace for you to celebrate this special time without the emotional baggage tugging at your thoughts.

9. Manage expectation:

Disappointment occurs when our expectations haven’t been met. Thus, I try to reframe expectations in my mind. I have found that I can’t control other people’s behaviour (outside of parental influence), so I release them from the pressure to act in a specific manner. I find this freeing especially in respect to extended relatives and their methods of involvement or non-involvement in my children’s lives.

Prepare children beforehand: When the kids were younger, before we went to an event, I outlined the behaviour guidelines I wished to see expressed by my children at that event. They then had clear expectations and a reminder of how they were to behave. I also tried to involve my kids as much as possible in the food we took, discussing the activities we were involved in over the coming week etc. This helped them realise what was coming up, and no huge surprises could rock the boat. I liked to try and look at events through the children’s eyes and how they will see things. I also tried to create positive memories they could store away in their memory bank. Now that they are teenagers, we discuss the activities even more, and I now have the teenagers cooking the food we take.

Recognise the myth of “you can have it all”. It is a myth. You can’t have it all. Don’t even try, or something will suffer. List the non-essentials. We love the Myer Christmas windows in Melbourne City but find that we are so busy in the lead-up to Christmas we don’t try to push it in. Most years, we contend with seeing it after Christmas. One year we unexpectedly found that we had spare time late on Christmas Day and went and saw them. We still reminisce about that afternoon, but the main memory is the special hot chocolate everyone drank when we were in the city.

I love baking and making gifts for people, but most years, I let go of some of my plans as I can’t do everything. The kids’ dance school used to always dance with Santa in the local Christmas parade, and Matey loved being on the television and sitting with the Mayor. Some years, we had to choose that or a ministry Christmas party. Since the whole family were involved in the ministry together, we sometimes chose that as it was more substantial than a short dance routine with Santa.

Christmas presents for the extended family have caused a great deal of agonising in the past. Several years ago, my interstate family stopped presents for each other. The following year, I approached hubby’s sisters to suggest stopping Christmas presents for the nieces and nephews. Everyone agreed. Don’t be afraid to ask if you can simplify things.

• Physical adaptations (Diet/health/lifestyle)

I find if I limit sugar during this time, headaches also disappear. Walking daily and eating healthier gives me more energy and emotional stability to cope with what comes my way. I find this also true with my son. The foods he eats certainly impact his behaviour and ability to control his emotions when extremely tired.

Grumpy kids are usually tired and hungry kids. This was especially evident when our kids were younger. I tried to keep meals at their usual times. When we had events with late dinners, we would have a substantial snack beforehand.

Your attitude sets the atmosphere in the home. If you are tired, grumpy, anxious, or short-tempered, expect the kids to model that behaviour, taking after you. Be kind to yourself and rest, so you have the energy you require.

What do you specifically do during this time to ‘enjoy the journey’ amidst the busyness? I would love to hear your thoughts.