I was chatting with a mother on the phone today when the conversation turned to her daughter and an amazing opportunity her daughter had entered into for her future on a National and even an international level. This girl is currently only ten years old but the potential that is identified in her at the moment is unheard of. The mum explained to me that she had had dreams for her daughter that were entirely different. She had wanted her daughter to achieve academically and fulfil her potential and not take the easy route and settle for second best as far as a career. The mum was explaining what had happened to herself and how she had settled for “second best” and not fulfilling her potential. Then one day, she had realised that she needed to release her daughter to shine. To release her daughter to go after her own dreams. To give her daughter her permission and blessing to chase her own dreams and not her mother’s dreams for her. That was the day that this daughter shared what was really on her heart and had started to blossom in the area she was currently pursuing. Thus, she was now being offered an amazing opportunity and being identified as someone who could go to the top position nationally in a number of years time.
This got me thinking and realising how important it is to bless our children and to give them permission to chase their own dreams, not our dreams for them. Their dreams may not necessarily be the path they will follow, but they need our parental approval to venture down that path and try.
Have you verbally and practically given each of your children permission to chase after their own dreams? This can be done by just spending a few minutes with your children and saying to them you give them permission to shine and permission to follow their own dreams. Also that you will support them no matter what it takes. It may be that you want to have a special celebration and do something to demonstrate practically that they have your permission plus telling them verbally. It may be that you include it in your nightly blessing of them in bed.
Lately I have been amazed by some children around us who are shining in their own particular way. I have a niece who at twelve years of age is swimming in the National Swimming Championships at Easter and an eleven year old nephew who, over summer, ploughed his first paddock fully by himself. Two totally different children but able to shine in their own particular way.
If you have a highly successful first born child who has shone in all areas, then it may be very important to any following children to actually say the words about ‘permission to shine in their own way’. They may have felt that they were always under their sibling’s shadow. Last year we were asking the second born child of friends what they wanted to do when they grew up. This second born child had an older sister who was an amazing achiever both in the sporting arena and academically. This child said that they would like to be a doctor but since their sister wanted to do that, then they couldn’t because that was the sister’s dream. This child needs permission to shine as herself.
I have been involved in coming alongside folk who have struggled with daily life issues. As a support person in a group setting with these folk, many with mental health issues, one of these ladies was continually bemoaning the fact that at the course she was doing, she was only getting 90% for tests and that that wasn’t good enough. One day, I challenged her by asking her what had happened in her childhood that had made her a perfectionist. She instantly froze, then tears fell down her face as she explained that her brother was an Olympic athlete and her parents were so busy transporting him to and from training and events and gearing their whole life around him that she had to be perfect to even feel as though she was noticed and valued.
Please hear me. I am not saying that that is true of every family with an Olympic athlete or a child with an outstanding ability. What I am saying is that please help every sibling feel and know that you will do whatever it takes to enable them to not only fly, but to soar.
You may also need to say sorry to your child for any words in the past that you have spoken about their future. Words are powerful and have power to do good or harm. Ask your child if there has been any words you have spoken that have hurt your child or made your child feel ‘boxed in’ in a certain way. Say sorry to your child and ask for their forgiveness. Depending on their age, it may be appropriate to use the night time when they are asleep to say sorry to their spirit as well and lift off any negative words from their spirit that you have uttered. Finish by blessing their spirit.
I would love to hear the effect on your children by giving them permission to shine. Likewise, if you have automatically done this in the past, I would love to hear the outcome. Feel free to comment below.